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Tesla’s DEAD Battery Day

Updated: Sep 23, 2020

The annual Tesla’s Battery Day brought with it a number of significant developments, mainly: Elon Musk is his own worst enemy! To say Tesla’s highly anticipated Battery Day was a complete and utter failure would be a gross understatement.

A surreal cornucopia of pseudo intellectual superfluous ramblings, hubris, video montages, statistics, percentages, projections; a flagrant glossing over of intricate details insulting true intellectuals with slides stating: “lots of stuff happens here" - - it was enough to horrify both seasoned investors and newbies with half a brain. In an age of Orwellian Newspeak the only accurate response is: WTF?

To the trained journalistic eye it would appear leading up to this futuristic cybertrain wreck and during the actual event, Elon Musk purposefully sabotaged his own company. Elon Musk gave his investors a subliminal middle finger. The real question is: why? Battery Day made every cardinal error in business except for “marketing” the event; which was largely done by Tesla's cult-like followers of seasoned social networking wizards.

Unfortunately, these astute wizards and Robinhood day traders aren’t Tesla’s investor whales. They are comprised of the countless people who lost untold millions of dollars on “option plays” about to expire worthless. Tesla never hit that highly anticipated $500 strike price that all the #TikTok gurus proclaimed it would. At this moment a $401 or $402 strike is shitting the bed; and people with “iron condors” have no idea what is going on other than they don’t even know how to close out their complex option trading positions.

Perhaps the best part of Battery Day was the unsynchronized and spastic honking of horns by an audience of etherized fans all sitting in their Tesla. Wearing a mask. Participating in #Covid19 pandemic clapping. A perfect microcosm of the social idiot with the charisma of a gnat: Elon Musk. Who is genius enough to answer every question in a politically correct fashion, but stating nothing of substance or value.

In a nutshell, a bunch of people wearing T-shirts live streamed on YouTube that Tesla really doesn’t make a lot of money; they have a small profit margin and no real room for error. They’re not interested in selling more affordable vehicles because every company is going to have electric vehicles to offer at some point for all the regular and working class people. Silicone is good. 50%, but not really 50%. Elon Musk is not interested in scaling back his personal wealth; Tesla is his toy poodle and a game. Fortunately for Musk, there are many blockheads in this world lined up to buy the cybertruck and fantasize about driving around with Mad Max or Snake and trying to “Escape from LA.”

The best possible thing Elon Musk can do, is be quiet. He is no Steve Jobs, certainly has zero showmanship. Tesla's Motley Crue of rambling geeks (not nerds, nerds implies intelligence) did nothing to accent or supplement the house of horrors like spectacle. In this age of 90 Day Fiance and Cardi B; Elon could have had Snoop Dogg, Anderson Cooper, 6IX9ine and Tom Hanks and Tesla would have gone to the moon faster than one of his SpaceX ships.

Speaking of SpaceX, all we can do is watch from the sidelines as Musk lines up his SpaceX IPO which will make him another fortune. And be the next best long term investment with tremendous upside. Perhaps this is the primary reason Musk purposefully shot Tesla in the foot: he is bored. It’s a company that makes overpriced toy cars that give you zero privacy or autonomy and can basically imprison drivers underneath a solar roof with a neuralink brain implant.

Morningstar Research has valued Tesla at $171 a share wet. It’s going to be a straight shot down from here, until Tesla gets a little residual wave from SpaceX going public.

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